What if someone else’s anger scares you?

If someone else’s anger scares you, stay calm, set boundaries, and remove yourself if necessary. Talking to a trusted person helps ensure safety and emotional well-being in difficult situations.

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  • Suitable for members aged 12-17
  • 6 minute read
  • 1,138 words (2.8 sides of A4)
  • Providing help and guidance on Managing anger and Mental Health
  • Created and reviewed by our team of experts

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Anger is a normal emotion that everyone experiences, but when someone else's anger becomes intense, unpredictable, or aggressive, it can feel scary. Whether it's a friend, family member, teacher, or even a stranger, being around someone who is angry can leave you feeling anxious, upset, or even unsafe. Learning how to deal with other people's anger can help you stay calm, protect yourself, and handle the situation in a healthy way.

Why Do People Get Angry?

Anger is often a reaction to stress, frustration, or feeling out of control. Sometimes, anger is justified, like when someone is treated unfairly. Other times, it can be an overreaction to a small problem. Common reasons people get angry include:

What if someone else's anger scares you?
  • Stress and frustration: School pressure, family problems, or personal struggles can make someone more irritable.
  • Feeling unheard: When people feel ignored, they may react angrily to get attention.
  • Unresolved issues: Past conflicts or bottled-up emotions can cause sudden outbursts.
  • Mental health struggles: Anxiety, depression, or other conditions can make managing emotions difficult.

Understanding that anger often comes from deeper issues can help you see that the person may not be angry at you personally, even if it feels that way.

When Someone's Anger Feels Scary

Not all anger is dangerous, but when it is loud, aggressive, or directed at you, it can feel frightening. Signs that someone's anger is becoming unhealthy or unsafe include:

  • Shouting, yelling, or swearing
  • Throwing objects or breaking things
  • Threatening language or behaviour
  • Physical aggression (hitting, pushing, grabbing)
  • Not calming down even after a long time

If you experience any of these, it's important to prioritise your safety and well-being.

The Real-Life Impact of Someone Else's Anger

Being around frequent or intense anger can be emotionally draining and stressful. It can affect your confidence, make you feel anxious, or make you afraid to speak up. If someone in your life, whether a friend, parent, or teacher, often reacts with anger, you may feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them.

Case Study: Sophie's Story

Sophie, 16, had a best friend, Mia, who had a short temper. If Mia was in a bad mood, she would snap at Sophie over small things. One day, after an argument about something minor, Mia yelled at Sophie in front of their friends and stormed off. Sophie felt humiliated and scared of upsetting Mia again.

After thinking about it, Sophie realised that she couldn't control Mia's anger, but she could control how she responded to it. She set boundaries, telling Mia that she wouldn't tolerate being shouted at. Over time, Sophie became more confident in standing up for herself and choosing relationships that made her feel safe and respected.

What to Do When Someone's Anger Scares You

If someone's anger makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable, here are some strategies you can use:

1. Stay Calm

When someone is angry, it's easy to react emotionally, but staying calm can help prevent the situation from escalating.

  • Take deep breaths to steady yourself.
  • Remind yourself that their anger is their issue, not yours.
  • Speak in a calm, even tone if you need to respond.

2. Don't Engage in the Argument

Trying to argue with someone who is already angry can make things worse. Instead:

  • Avoid shouting back.
  • Don't try to "win" the argument, focus on keeping the situation under control.
  • If needed, say something like, let's talk when we're both calmer.

3. Set Boundaries

You have the right to feel safe and respected. If someone is directing their anger at you unfairly, set clear boundaries.

Try saying:

  • "I won't continue this conversation if you shout at me".
  • "I understand you're upset, but I don't deserve to be treated like this".

4. Remove Yourself from the Situation

If you feel unsafe, leaving the situation is the best option.

  • Walk away if possible.
  • Go to a safe place (a friends house, a teachers office, or another trusted environment).
  • If you're at home and don't feel safe, try going to a quiet space where you can cool down.

5. Don't Take It Personally

Remember that anger is usually about the person feeling it, not about you. If someone lashes out at you, it may be because they are struggling with their own emotions.

6. Talk to Someone You Trust

If someone's anger is affecting you, talk to a teacher, school counsellor, or trusted adult. You don't have to deal with it alone.

7. Keep Yourself Safe

If someone's anger turns into threats or physical violence, prioritise your safety.

  • Move to a safe location.
  • If necessary, call a trusted adult or emergency services.
  • Tell someone about what happened.

8. Consider Whether the Relationship Is Healthy

If you constantly feel scared of someone's anger, whether it's a friend, family member, or partner, it may be a sign of an unhealthy or toxic relationship. A healthy relationship should make you feel safe, valued, and respected.

When to Get Help

Sometimes, anger can be a sign of deeper issues. If someone's anger is making you feel unsafe or is affecting your mental health, it's important to get support.

Signs that you need outside help include:

  • Feeling anxious or afraid around the person
  • Trying to avoid them to prevent conflict
  • Feeling like you can't express yourself without fear of a reaction
  • Experiencing threats or physical harm

Speaking to a trusted adult, teacher, school counsellor, or helpline can help you find ways to handle the situation safely.

Final Thoughts

Anger is a normal emotion, but when someone's anger makes you feel scared or unsafe, it's important to protect yourself. Staying calm, setting boundaries, and knowing when to walk away can help you manage difficult situations. Remember, you are not responsible for someone else's anger, and you deserve to feel safe in your relationships.

How are you feeling?

It is really important that when we need help, we feel able to ask for it. This could be speaking to a parent, a close friend, a teacher or someone else you trust. Sometimes it can be really hard to share our feelings with other people but if we are feeling low or don't know where to turn, sharing with others is really important. Teachers will always take you seriously and listen to your problems in confidence if you approach them for help. Likewise, parents, siblings or friends will help you if you reach out to them.

If you feel like you can't speak to anyone you know, there are people and organisations that can help support you:

  • Childline - Call them on 0800 1111 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
  • NSPCC - Call them on 0808 800 5000 between 10am and 4pm Monday to Friday or email them on help@NSPCC.org.uk
  • The Samaritans – Call them on 116 123 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
  • SANE – Call 0300 304 7000 for support (4:30pm - 10:30pm every day)
  • Mind – Call 0300 123 3393 (9:00am - 6:00pm Monday to Friday)

*Sometimes we will use real life examples in our articles to aid understanding. When we do, names and ages will be changed.