What if my parents don’t like who I’m going out with?

Read ideas for managing when your parents disapprove of who you’re dating, including communication tips and ways to demonstrate maturity.

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Understanding Parental Concerns in Teenage Relationships

It's a scenario many teenagers find themselves in: you've started dating someone who really ticks all your boxes, but your parents aren't on board. This can create a sense of tension, disappointment, or even rebellion. Understanding why your parents might disapprove of your choice in a partner can help you navigate this tricky situation. Generally, parents want the best for their children and their judgments are often based on their own experiences and the wisdom they've accumulated over the years. At times, parents might be concerned about the age gap, cultural differences, influence on academic performance, or simply the characteristics of the person you are dating. It's important to recognise these concerns as valid and consider them carefully. At the same time, it's crucial to hone your ability to make your own judgments in relationships.

Impact on Teenagers When Parents Disapprove

When your parents disapprove of who you're dating, it can lead to a range of emotions. You might feel misunderstood, frustrated, or even isolated. This disapproval can put strain on your relationship with your parents and with your partner, potentially causing conflicts and emotional turmoil. Beyond personal conflict, parental disapproval can impact your self-esteem and decision-making processes. You might begin to doubt your choices or feel pressured to end a relationship you enjoy.

Strategies to Handle Parental Disapproval in Your Relationship

What if my parents don't like who I'm going out with?

1. Open a Dialogue

Start by having an open, honest discussion with your parents about your relationship. Express your feelings clearly and calmly, and ask them to explain their concerns. Understanding each other's perspectives can pave the way for mutual respect and maybe even a change of heart.

2. Show Responsibility

Demonstrate that your relationship does not negatively impact other responsibilities like your schoolwork, chores, or personal goals. Showing responsibility in these areas can reassure your parents of your maturity and ability to manage a relationship intelligently.

3. Invite Your Partner Over

Allow your parents to get to know your significant other better by inviting them over for dinner or involving them in a family activity. This can help break down misconceptions and show your parents the positive aspects of your partner's personality.

4. Seek Support from Other Adults

Talk to other trusted adults, like relatives, family friends, or school counsellors, who might offer a different perspective or mediate a discussion between you and your parents.

5. Evaluate Your Relationship Independently

Take some time to reflect on your relationship independently of your parents' opinions. Consider whether your partner respects you, supports your personal growth, and contributes positively to your life. Sometimes an outside perspective, even if critical, can help you see aspects of your relationship you've overlooked.

6. Agree to Disagree

If a conversation doesn't lead to a change of heart, you might need to agree to disagree while continuing to respect your parents' viewpoint. Balance is key; while you live under their roof, showing consideration for their feelings can maintain peace.

7. Professional Guidance

If conflicts persist, consider family therapy. A professional can provide neutral ground for dialogue, helping all parties understand each other and work towards a resolution. Navigating the tricky waters of love during your teenage years is complicated enough without added parental disapproval. However, sometimes these difficult situations can lead to deeper understanding and more mature relationships with your parents and your partner. By taking a thoughtful approach and seeking common ground, you can minimise conflict and make the best of the situation.

How are you feeling?

It is really important that when we need help, we feel able to ask for it. This could be speaking to a parent, a close friend, a teacher or someone else you trust. Sometimes it can be really hard to share our feelings with other people but if we are feeling low or don't know where to turn, sharing with others is really important. Teachers will always take you seriously and listen to your problems in confidence if you approach them for help. Likewise, parents, siblings or friends will help you if you reach out to them.

If you feel like you can't speak to anyone you know, there are people and organisations that can help support you:

  • Childline - Call them on 0800 1111 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
  • NSPCC - Call them on 0808 800 5000 between 10am and 4pm Monday to Friday or email them on help@NSPCC.org.uk
  • The Samaritans – Call them on 116 123 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
  • SANE – Call 0300 304 7000 for support (4:30pm - 10:30pm every day)
  • Mind – Call 0300 123 3393 (9:00am - 6:00pm Monday to Friday)

*Sometimes we will use real life examples in our articles to aid understanding. When we do, names and ages will be changed.