When You Feel Left Out – How to Cope and Speak Up

Learn how to cope with feeling left out through clear communication, embracing new activities, and evaluating friendships for a healthier social life.

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Sometimes you might feel like you're the only one not included in plans, activities, or conversations. It feels rough, right? But you're definitely not alone in this. Everyone at some point feels left out. The good news? There are ways to deal with these feelings and even turn things around.

Why Do We Feel Left Out?

Feeling left out can happen for many reasons. Maybe your friends started a new hobby, or they're all in the same class at school and you're not. Sometimes, it's not about what others do; it's just how we see things. Maybe we think we're being left out when actually, it was just a simple oversight. Understanding why you feel left out is the first step to dealing with it.

Effects of Feeling Left Out

Besides feeling sad or angry, being left out can make you doubt your self-worth. You might start thinking you're not cool enough, smart enough, or fun enough to be included. Remember, those thoughts aren't true. Everyone has unique qualities that are valuable and wonderful.

What Can You Do About It?

Here are some practical steps you can take:

When You Feel Left Out - How to Cope and Speak Up

Talk About Your Feelings

It might feel scary, but expressing how you feel can be really helpful. Choose someone you trust and explain how you're feeling left out. It's important to talk about your feelings calmly and clearly. Instead of accusing them of leaving you out, try saying something like, 'I felt a bit left out when I wasn't invited to the cinema. Can we talk about it?'

Be Open to New Activities

If your friends have started something new without you, why not show interest and ask if you can join? Even if it's not your usual type of activity, giving it a try might surprise you, and it's a good way to show that you want to spend time with them.

Build Your Circle

One way to not feel left out is to widen your social circle. Join clubs, groups, or sports teams where you can meet new people. This not only boosts your social life but also gives you confidence and makes you feel more included.

Stay Positive and Confident

Feeling left out can hurt, but try not to let it keep you down. Focus on your strengths and things that make you happy. Sometimes, focusing on personal growth and your hobbies can bring new friends and opportunities your way.

Use Social Media Wisely

People often post just the best parts of their lives on social media, which can make you feel like you're missing out. Remember, it's not a complete picture of their lives. If social media makes you feel bad, take a break from it.

How to Prevent Feeling Left Out

It's not just about coping. You can also take steps to try to prevent feeling left out in the future:

Communicate Regularly

Keep in touch with your friends and classmates. Often just being in the loop can help you feel more included. Regular chats, texts, or calls will keep your connections strong.

Organise Events Yourself

If you're feeling left out, why not take the lead? Plan a movie night, a day out, or a gaming session. This puts you in control and you get to pick who's invited.

Reflect on Your Feelings

If you often feel left out, think about why this could be. Are there things you could do differently? Sometimes, we might not realise that our own actions or attitudes could be impacting our social lives.

Evaluate Your Friendships

If you constantly feel left out by certain friends, it might be worth thinking about whether those are healthy relationships. Good friends will want to include you and make you feel valued. If that's not the case, it might be time to look for friends who do.

Remember, it's completely normal to feel left out sometimes, but it doesn't define who you are or your worth. Everyone has something special to bring to their friendships, including you. By focusing on positive actions and maintaining a healthy perspective, you can lessen the sting of feeling excluded and perhaps even make your social circle stronger and more inclusive.

How are you feeling?

It is really important that when we need help, we feel able to ask for it. This could be speaking to a parent, a close friend, a teacher or someone else you trust. Sometimes it can be really hard to share our feelings with other people but if we are feeling low or don't know where to turn, sharing with others is really important. Teachers will always take you seriously and listen to your problems in confidence if you approach them for help. Likewise, parents, siblings or friends will help you if you reach out to them.

If you feel like you can't speak to anyone you know, there are people and organisations that can help support you:

  • Childline - Call them on 0800 1111 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
  • NSPCC - Call them on 0808 800 5000 between 10am and 4pm Monday to Friday or email them on help@NSPCC.org.uk
  • The Samaritans – Call them on 116 123 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
  • SANE – Call 0300 304 7000 for support (4:30pm - 10:30pm every day)
  • Mind – Call 0300 123 3393 (9:00am - 6:00pm Monday to Friday)

*Sometimes we will use real life examples in our articles to aid understanding. When we do, names and ages will be changed.