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Everyone needs friends. They make life better, don't they? You can laugh with them, share secrets, and support each other. But what if a friendship starts to make you feel tired or upset instead of happy? Sometimes, certain friendships can actually start to drain your energy. This type of relationship is often called a 'toxic friendship'. Let's talk about what this looks like and how you might deal with it.

What Is a Toxic Friendship?

A toxic friendship is a relationship that makes you feel consistently bad or down on yourself. It's different from having a small argument or a bad day. In a toxic friendship, the bad feelings are more common than the good ones and it can affect how you feel about yourself and how you behave.

Signs of a Toxic Friendship

It's important to spot the signs of a toxic friendship early so you can handle the situation before it worsens. Here are some clues that might suggest a friendship isn't healthy:

• Feeling drained: After hanging out, you feel more tired or unhappy rather than happy and energised.
• Constant criticism: Your friend often puts you down or criticises you, either in private or in front of others.
• Ignoring your needs: The friend doesn't pay attention to what you need or ignores it if it's inconvenient for them.
• Imbalance of effort: You always have to plan meet-ups or do favours without much in return. You feel like it's a one-sided effort.
• Guilt trips: Your friend often makes you feel guilty if you don't do what they want.
• Ignoring your boundaries: They might pressure you into things you're not comfortable with.

Recognising these signs can be tough, but it's crucial for taking care of your wellbeing.

How a Toxic Friendship Can Affect You

Being in a toxic friendship can really take a toll on your emotional and overall wellbeing. Here's how it can affect you:

• Lowered self-esteem: Constant criticism can make you doubt yourself and your abilities.
• Stress and anxiety: The ongoing negativity or pressure from the friendship can lead to stress and anxiety.
• Impact on other relationships: The strain from one friendship can affect your mood and how you interact with others, like family or teachers.
• Lack of enjoyment: You might start to avoid socialising or activities you once loved because they're now linked to uncomfortable feelings or situations.

What You Can Do About It

Realising a friendship is toxic can be really upsetting, but there are things you can do to help yourself:

1. Reflect on the Relationship

Take some time to think about the friendship. Write down how you feel after you spend time together. Are there more bad times than good? This can help you see the situation more clearly.

2. Talk About It

If you feel it's safe, try talking to your friend about how you feel. They might not realise how their behaviour is affecting you and this could help them to change.

3. Set Boundaries

Decide what you're not okay with and be clear about your boundaries. If your friend crosses these boundaries, it's okay to calmly remind them and pull back from the situation if needed.

4. Spend Time with Other Friends

It's helpful to have a good circle of friends. Spend time with other people who uplift you and make you feel good about yourself. This also provides a healthy balance in your social life.

5. Seek Support

Talk to someone you trust like a family member, another friend, or a teacher. They can give you advice and support.

6. Know When to Walk Away

If the friendship doesn't improve, or if it starts to affect your wellbeing even more, it might be time to consider stepping back from the friendship. It's important to look after your own mental health first.

It's okay to feel sad about losing a friend, but remember, it's about keeping yourself happy and healthy. Building and maintaining good friendships is a two-way street and should make both people in the relationship feel valued and respected.

Remember, everyone encounters a difficult friendship at some point, but knowing how to deal with it positively and maturely matters more. By recognising the signs and taking action, you can make sure that your friendships are healthy, supportive and enjoyable.

How are you feeling?

It is really important that when we need help, we feel able to ask for it. This could be speaking to a parent, a close friend, a teacher or someone else you trust. Sometimes it can be really hard to share our feelings with other people but if we are feeling low or don't know where to turn, sharing with others is really important. Teachers will always take you seriously and listen to your problems in confidence if you approach them for help. Likewise, parents, siblings or friends will help you if you reach out to them.

If you feel like you can't speak to anyone you know, there are people and organisations that can help support you:

• Childline - Call them on 0800 1111 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
• NSPCC - Call them on 0808 800 5000 between 10am and 4pm Monday to Friday or email them on help@NSPCC.org.uk
• The Samaritans – Call them on 116 123 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
• SANE – Call 0300 304 7000 for support (4:30pm - 10:30pm every day)
• Mind – Call 0300 123 3393 (9:00am - 6:00pm Monday to Friday)

*Sometimes we will use real life examples in our articles to aid understanding. When we do, names and ages will be changed.