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Have you ever had a friend who seems really nice one moment and then talks about you behind your back the next? It can be really confusing and hurtful. These types of friends are often called "two-faced" or "backstabbers." Sadly, dealing with two-faced friends is something many of us face, especially in school or during extracurricular activities. Let's talk about why this happens and what you can do about it.

Understanding Two-Faced Behaviour

First, it's important to understand what drives someone to act this way. Often, people who are two-faced have their own insecurities and fears. They might feel threatened by someone else's success or popularity and act out to make themselves feel better. In other cases, they might not even realise how much their words can hurt others, or they could be trying to fit in with a different group of friends. Understanding this doesn't excuse their behaviour, but it can help you make sense of the situation and decide how to respond.

How It Affects You

Being around a two-faced friend can be really tough. You might feel betrayed, hurt, or angry. These feelings are completely normal. You might start to question who your true friends are or if you can trust other people. This can make you feel lonely or isolated.

Strategies to Handle Two-Faced Friends

Dealing with a two-faced friend doesn't mean you have to start drama or end the friendship abruptly. Here are some practical ways to handle the situation:

1. Reflect on the Situation

Take a step back and think about what's been happening. Is it possible that there was a misunderstanding? Sometimes communication can break down, and what was said might not have been meant the way it was heard. However, if this behaviour is a pattern, it's important to address it.

2. Talk to Your Friend

If you feel comfortable, consider talking to your friend about what you heard. Choose a time and place where you can speak calmly and privately. You could start by saying something like, "I heard that you said this about me, and it made me feel upset. Can we talk about it?" This can be a difficult conversation, but it sometimes resolves the issue without further drama.

3. Stay Calm and Respectful

No matter how upset you are, try to stay calm when you're dealing with the situation. Raising your voice or responding with harsh words can escalate things. Respectfully expressing how you feel can have a much more positive impact.

4. Set Boundaries

If the behaviour continues, it might be necessary to set boundaries. You can decide what type of behaviour you will and won't accept from people. Let your friend know that you value honesty and kindness, and that you won't tolerate being talked about behind your back.

5. Spend Time with Other Friends

It's vital to have a network of friends you can trust. If one friend is causing you heartache, spending time with others can remind you that you have people who care about you and treat you well. This isn't about making your two-faced friend jealous but protecting your own emotional health.

6. Reflect on Your Own Behaviour

It's also worth taking some time to consider your own behaviour. Are you acting in ways that might push your friends to speak poorly of you? Make sure you're being the kind of friend you want others to be to you.

7. Know When to Walk Away

If you've tried to resolve the situation and nothing has changed, it might be time to walk away. True friends respect and support each other, and if someone consistently hurts you, they might not be a good friend to keep around.

Taking Care of Yourself

Regardless of the situation with your friend, remember to take care of your own emotional and mental well-being. Whether it's talking to a family member, a teacher, or another trusted adult, getting your feelings out can be very healing. Taking part in activities you enjoy can also distract you from negative feelings and boost your mood. Finally, remember that this situation doesn't define you. You can learn a lot about yourself and others from handling difficult situations like this. It can make you stronger and smarter in your relationships in the future.

How are you feeling?

It is really important that when we need help, we feel able to ask for it. This could be speaking to a parent, a close friend, a teacher or someone else you trust. Sometimes it can be really hard to share our feelings with other people but if we are feeling low or don't know where to turn, sharing with others is really important. Teachers will always take you seriously and listen to your problems in confidence if you approach them for help. Likewise, parents, siblings or friends will help you if you reach out to them.

If you feel like you can't speak to anyone you know, there are people and organisations that can help support you:

• Childline - Call them on 0800 1111 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
• NSPCC - Call them on 0808 800 5000 between 10am and 4pm Monday to Friday or email them on help@NSPCC.org.uk
• The Samaritans – Call them on 116 123 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
• SANE – Call 0300 304 7000 for support (4:30pm - 10:30pm every day)
• Mind – Call 0300 123 3393 (9:00am - 6:00pm Monday to Friday)

*Sometimes we will use real life examples in our articles to aid understanding. When we do, names and ages will be changed.