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If someone often says things that make you feel small or bad about yourself, it's important to understand that this isn't a sign of love or care. It might confuse you, especially if the person saying these things claims to like or even love you. Maybe this is happening with a friend, someone you're dating, or a family member. Let's dive deeper into why this kind of behaviour isn't loving and what you can do about it.

Understanding Put-Downs and Their Effects

Put-downs are negative comments or criticisms that can make you doubt your worth or abilities. These can be about anything your looks, the way you think, what you enjoy, or your dreams. The key thing to know is that when someone truly cares for you, they'll want to build you up, not tear you down. They should be your cheerleader, not someone who makes you feel worse.

When someone keeps putting you down, it can lead to feeling really low about yourself. You might start believing the harsh things they say, and this can affect how you see yourself and your potential. This isn't just something that impacts your mood; it can deeply influence your confidence and ambitions too.

Why People Might Put Others Down

Understanding why someone behaves this way isn't about finding excuses for them but rather understanding the situation better. Here are a few reasons why someone might put others down:

• Insecurity: Sometimes, people feel insecure about themselves and think by making others feel small, they'll feel better about themselves.
• Control: Putting someone down can be a way to control them. By making you feel less confident, they might feel like they have more power over you.
• Mimicking behaviour: If someone has been treated this way, they might think it's normal and do it to others.
• Lack of awareness: Some people might not even realise how hurtful their words can be. They may think they're just joking, not knowing they're actually hurting someone.

How This Could Affect You

You're at an age where you're still figuring out who you are. Being regularly put down can make this process much harder. It can make you feel sad, anxious, and unsure about your own abilities. It can affect your schoolwork, your relationships, and your overall wellbeing. But remember, no one has the right to make you feel inferior without your consent.

Recognising Unhealthy Relationships

An important step is to recognise the signs of unhealthy relationships. These include:

• Frequent criticism without any positive feedback
• Feeling scared or anxious about how they might react to what you say or do
• Constantly feeling like you can't do anything right or feeling unworthy
• Not feeling supported in your goals and interests

What You Can Do About It

You have the power to shape your relationships and stand up for yourself. Here are some strategies you can use:

Talk to Someone Trustworthy

If you're dealing with hurtful comments, talk to someone you trust. This could be a family member, a teacher, or a close friend. Sharing your worries can make you feel better and they might offer you some good advice on how to handle the situation.

Communicate How You Feel

If you feel safe doing so, tell the person who's putting you down how their words make you feel. Sometimes, they might not realise the effect they have and could be willing to change their behaviour. Choose a good time to talk, and use statements like "I feel hurt when you say things like that."

Set Boundaries

You have the right to set boundaries in your relationships. If someone isn't treating you with respect, it's okay to tell them what's not acceptable and why. Being clear about your boundaries can help protect your self-respect and well-being.

Work on Your Self-Esteem

Building your own self-esteem can help shield you from negative comments. Engage in activities that make you feel good about yourself. Focus on your strengths and achievements, and surround yourself with positive influences.

If the situation doesn't improve, it might be necessary to distance yourself from the person who is consistently negative. Remember, it's important to be in environments and relationships that support your growth and make you feel valued.

Conclusion

Dealing with put-downs can be tough, especially when they come from someone who should be supportive. Understanding that this behaviour isn't a form of love is crucial. Speaking up for yourself, setting boundaries, talking to trusted individuals, and strengthening your self-esteem are all steps you can take to improve your situation. Remember, you deserve to be treated with kindness and respect, always.

How are you feeling?

It is really important that when we need help, we feel able to ask for it. This could be speaking to a parent, a close friend, a teacher or someone else you trust. Sometimes it can be really hard to share our feelings with other people but if we are feeling low or don't know where to turn, sharing with others is really important. Teachers will always take you seriously and listen to your problems in confidence if you approach them for help. Likewise, parents, siblings or friends will help you if you reach out to them.

If you feel like you can't speak to anyone you know, there are people and organisations that can help support you:

• Childline - Call them on 0800 1111 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
• NSPCC - Call them on 0808 800 5000 between 10am and 4pm Monday to Friday or email them on help@NSPCC.org.uk
• The Samaritans – Call them on 116 123 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
• SANE – Call 0300 304 7000 for support (4:30pm - 10:30pm every day)
• Mind – Call 0300 123 3393 (9:00am - 6:00pm Monday to Friday)

*Sometimes we will use real life examples in our articles to aid understanding. When we do, names and ages will be changed.