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When we talk about relationships, we usually think about all the good stuff like hanging out, laughing, and sharing secrets. It's fantastic to have someone special, whether they're a brilliant friend or someone you fancy. But it's also super important to know about the not-so-great things. Red flags in relationships are signals that something isn't quite right. Recognising them can help you decide the kind of people you want in your life.

What are Red Flags?

A red flag is basically a warning. It's something that makes you stop and think, "Hmm, this doesn't feel right." These could be actions or behaviours that make you uncomfortable, upset, or even scared. In friendships and romantic relationships at your age, spotting these warning signs early can save you from bigger troubles later on.

Common Red Flags to Watch Out For

Here are some typical red flags that might pop up in relationships with friends or someone you're dating:

• Constant Criticism: If someone is always putting you down, criticising how you look, the things you say, or what you believe in, it's not okay.
• Lack of Respect for Your Boundaries: Everyone has their own comfort levels and limits. If someone keeps ignoring what you're comfortable with, that's a red flag.
• Too Controlling: If a friend or partner tries to control what you wear, who you talk to, or where you go, it's a big warning sign.
• Jealousy: A little bit of jealousy can be common, but when it becomes intense or leads to them checking your phone or demanding to know where you are all the time, that's not healthy.
• Lying: Trust is the foundation of any relationship. If someone continually lies to you, it breaks that trust.
• Ignoring Your Feelings: In a strong relationship, both people care about how the other feels. If someone dismisses your feelings as silly or unimportant, that's not fair to you.

Why It Matters

Ignoring red flags can lead to relationships that make you unhappy, stressed, or even scared. Addressing or walking away from relationships with these issues early on can help you maintain your self-esteem and overall happiness. It's about looking after yourself and making sure you're treated with the respect you deserve.

What You Can Do

If you spot these red flags in your relationships, here are some steps you might consider:

1. Talk About It: Sometimes, people might not realise their behaviour is hurting you. Choose a good time when you're both calm to discuss how their actions make you feel.
2. Seek Advice: Talk to someone you trust like a parent, older sibling, or a teacher. They can offer advice based on their own experiences.
3. Set Boundaries: Clearly explain what you're okay with and what you're not. Setting boundaries is about respecting yourself.
4. Take Time Apart: Taking a break from the relationship can help you see things more clearly and decide if the relationship is beneficial for you.
5. End the Relationship: If talking and setting boundaries don't work, it may be time to consider ending the relationship. This can be tough but remember, it's important to be in relationships that make you feel good.

Remember, relationships are supposed to make your days brighter, not tougher. Being in a healthy relationship means feeling safe, respected, and valued. If your relationship doesn't make you feel this way, it might be worth thinking about whether it's the right one for you.

How It Affects You

Red flags in relationships can affect how you feel about yourself. They can make you doubt your worth or impact your confidence and happiness. They can also disrupt your concentration at school and even change the way you interact with other people. Recognising and dealing with these red flags not only helps in maintaining your mental and emotional health but also supports your future relationships, setting a standard of what you should expect and accept from others.

Thinking Ahead

Building strong, positive relationships now sets you up for healthier interactions in the future. Think about the qualities you appreciate in your friends and in yourself. Respect, trust, support, and laughter are usually at the top of the list. So, keep an eye out for those red flags, because you deserve friends and partners who will treat you well and make you feel loved, not less.

Final Thoughts

Having strong, healthy relationships is all about mutual respect and enjoyment. You're young, and you should be focusing on enjoying your relationships, not feeling anxious or upset by them. Learn to spot the red flags early, and don't be afraid to take steps to fix the situation. You owe it to yourself to be treated well by the people in your life.

How are you feeling?

It is really important that when we need help, we feel able to ask for it. This could be speaking to a parent, a close friend, a teacher or someone else you trust. Sometimes it can be really hard to share our feelings with other people but if we are feeling low or don't know where to turn, sharing with others is really important. Teachers will always take you seriously and listen to your problems in confidence if you approach them for help. Likewise, parents, siblings or friends will help you if you reach out to them.

If you feel like you can't speak to anyone you know, there are people and organisations that can help support you:

• Childline - Call them on 0800 1111 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
• NSPCC - Call them on 0808 800 5000 between 10am and 4pm Monday to Friday or email them on help@NSPCC.org.uk
• The Samaritans – Call them on 116 123 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
• SANE – Call 0300 304 7000 for support (4:30pm - 10:30pm every day)
• Mind – Call 0300 123 3393 (9:00am - 6:00pm Monday to Friday)

*Sometimes we will use real life examples in our articles to aid understanding. When we do, names and ages will be changed.