Love Shouldn’t Hurt – What an Unhealthy Relationship Looks Like

Understanding and identifying unhealthy relationships can help teens build healthier ones, ensuring they feel safe, respected, and supportive in their connections.

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When we talk about love, it's often seen as something wonderful and full of happiness. But sometimes, not all relationships are healthy, even if they start off feeling great. Knowing the difference between a healthy and an unhealthy relationship can help you make better choices about who you spend time with.

Understanding Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships

A healthy relationship is based on respect, trust, and support. Both people in the relationship feel safe and comfortable to be themselves without fear of judgement or harm. In contrast, an unhealthy relationship can involve feeling unsafe, disrespected, or uncomfortable. It might include mean comments, controlling behaviour, or feeling like you have to change who you are to please the other person.

Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship

It's important to recognise the signs of an unhealthy relationship so you can seek help if needed. Here are some common warning signs:

Love Shouldn't Hurt - What an Unhealthy Relationship Looks Like
  • Control: One person makes all the decisions, telling the other what they can and cannot do.
  • Isolation: Feeling cut off from other friends and family, or being told who you are allowed to see.
  • Pressure: Being pressured into things you aren't comfortable with, including physical activities.
  • Lack of respect: Your feelings, thoughts, and boundaries are not valued or are often ignored.
  • Constant criticism: Continuously being put down or made to feel bad about yourself.
  • Fear: Feeling scared to say or do things because of how the other person will react.

Recognising one or more of these signs can be an indication that the relationship is not healthy.

How It Might Affect You

Being in an unhealthy relationship can be very upsetting and affect many areas of your life. It can damage your self-esteem, make you feel anxious or depressed, and influence your performance at school. It might also change the way you interact with friends and family, making you feel isolated or misunderstood.

What You Can Do

If you think you or a friend might be in an unhealthy relationship, it's important to take action. Here are some steps you can take:

  1. Talk to someone: It can help to talk about what's happening. This might be a trusted adult, like a teacher or family member, or even a friend.
  2. Set boundaries: It's okay to say no and establish limits on what is and isn't acceptable in your relationships.
  3. Seek support: There are organisations and helplines that offer advice and support for those in unhealthy relationships.
  4. Focus on yourself: Engage in activities you love, spend time with other friends, and take care of your physical and emotional well-being.
  5. Plan for safety: If you're feeling unsafe, consider creating a safety plan that includes who you can call, where you can go, and what to say if you need help immediately.

Remember, you have the right to feel safe and respected in all your relationships.

Building Healthy Relationships

Knowing what an unhealthy relationship looks like can help you build healthier ones. Try to foster relationships where both people:

  • Communicate openly: Share your thoughts and feelings honestly, listening to each other without judgment.
  • Respect boundaries: Understand and respect each other's limits and individuality.
  • Support each other: Help each other grow and thrive, offering encouragement and kindness.
  • Have trust: Trust is fundamental. It means believing each other and feeling secure in the relationship.

Healthy relationships should make you feel good about yourself and bring positivity to your life.

Conclusion

Loving relationships should make you feel valued and happy, not scared or upset. By knowing what an unhealthy relationship looks like, you can be more aware of your own relationships and seek help if needed. Remember, it's important to look after yourself and surround yourself with people who treat you with the respect and care you deserve. You're not alone, and support is available if you need it.

How are you feeling?

It is really important that when we need help, we feel able to ask for it. This could be speaking to a parent, a close friend, a teacher or someone else you trust. Sometimes it can be really hard to share our feelings with other people but if we are feeling low or don't know where to turn, sharing with others is really important. Teachers will always take you seriously and listen to your problems in confidence if you approach them for help. Likewise, parents, siblings or friends will help you if you reach out to them.

If you feel like you can't speak to anyone you know, there are people and organisations that can help support you:

  • Childline - Call them on 0800 1111 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
  • NSPCC - Call them on 0808 800 5000 between 10am and 4pm Monday to Friday or email them on help@NSPCC.org.uk
  • The Samaritans – Call them on 116 123 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
  • SANE – Call 0300 304 7000 for support (4:30pm - 10:30pm every day)
  • Mind – Call 0300 123 3393 (9:00am - 6:00pm Monday to Friday)

*Sometimes we will use real life examples in our articles to aid understanding. When we do, names and ages will be changed.