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Emotional manipulation might sound like something from a TV drama, but it's a very real thing that could happen to anyone, including you. It isn't just the obvious mean behaviour from someone; it can also come from people who appear very nice. Understanding emotional manipulation can help you keep your relationships healthy and supportive.

What is Emotional Manipulation?

Emotional manipulation is when someone tries to influence your feelings or actions, but not in a good way. They might use guilt, flattery, or even your empathy against you to get their way. It often leaves you feeling confused, guilty, or even like you're the one at fault when you're not.

Common Signs of Emotional Manipulation

Spotting emotional manipulation can be tricky, especially if it's coming from someone who seems really nice. Here are some signs to look out for:

• They guilt trip you: This means they make you feel guilty to get what they want. For example, saying something like, "If you really cared about me, you wouldn't go to the party and stay here with me."
• They give backhanded compliments: These are compliments that actually feel like insults. An example could be "You're smart for someone who doesn't read much."
• They play the victim: Even when it's clear they've made a mistake, they twist the story so it looks like they're the hurt party.
• They are passive-aggressive: This is when they express negative feelings indirectly instead of saying them out loud, like sulking instead of saying they're upset with you.
• They sabotage: They mess up things for you, especially if it might mean that you spend time away from them or succeeding at something they're not involved with.

How Could Emotional Manipulation Affect You?

Dealing with emotional manipulation can make you feel confused or like you're always doing something wrong. It can shake your confidence and make it hard to trust your own feelings. If you frequently feel bad about yourself after hanging out with someone, this could be a sign of a manipulative relationship.

It can also affect your other relationships. For example, a manipulative friend might try to convince you that other friends are bad influences, driving a wedge between you and your other friends.

Strategies to Handle Emotional Manipulation

Knowing how to handle emotional manipulation can help you feel more confident and ensure that your relationships are healthy. Here's how you can deal with it:

1. Trust Your Feelings

If something feels off about the way a friend, family member, or anyone else is treating you, trust that feeling. Pay attention to how you feel after you've been with them - are you often upset or confused? That might be a sign that something's not right.

2. Set Clear Boundaries

Boundaries are like rules for how you expect to be treated. If someone does something that makes you uncomfortable, let them know clearly and calmly. If they continue to cross those boundaries, it might be time to re-evaluate that relationship.

3. Keep a Support Network

Having a group of friends and family who you trust can provide a good check against manipulation. If you're feeling unsure about a person's behaviour, talking it through with someone else can give you perspective.

4. Learn to Say No

Saying no can be really powerful. You don't have to be rude about it, just firm. If someone is trying to pressure you into doing something you don't want to do, just say, "No, I'm not comfortable with that." This shows that you're standing up for yourself.

5. Take Time for Yourself

If you're feeling overwhelmed by a relationship, it can help to take some time apart. Use this time to think about how you feel when you're with them compared to when you're not. This can help you decide how best to address the situation.

6. Consider Professional Help

If emotional manipulation is making a big impact on your life, talking to a counsellor or therapist can be really helpful. They can give you personalised advice and coping strategies.

Emotional manipulation is tricky to spot, especially when it's from someone who seems nice. By keeping an eye out for the signs and knowing how to handle different situations, you can protect your emotional health. Healthy relationships should make you feel supported and valued, not confused or guilty. Remember, you have the right to feel safe and respected in all your relationships.

How are you feeling?

It is really important that when we need help, we feel able to ask for it. This could be speaking to a parent, a close friend, a teacher or someone else you trust. Sometimes it can be really hard to share our feelings with other people but if we are feeling low or don't know where to turn, sharing with others is really important. Teachers will always take you seriously and listen to your problems in confidence if you approach them for help. Likewise, parents, siblings or friends will help you if you reach out to them.

If you feel like you can't speak to anyone you know, there are people and organisations that can help support you:

• Childline - Call them on 0800 1111 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
• NSPCC - Call them on 0808 800 5000 between 10am and 4pm Monday to Friday or email them on help@NSPCC.org.uk
• The Samaritans – Call them on 116 123 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
• SANE – Call 0300 304 7000 for support (4:30pm - 10:30pm every day)
• Mind – Call 0300 123 3393 (9:00am - 6:00pm Monday to Friday)

*Sometimes we will use real life examples in our articles to aid understanding. When we do, names and ages will be changed.