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Understanding Cancer and its Impact
When someone you know tells you they have cancer, it can be a shocking moment. Cancer is a complex group of diseases with many possible causes. In the UK, hundreds of thousands of people are diagnosed with cancer every year. This means there's a significant chance that at some point, a person in your life, whether a family member, a friend, or a schoolmate, might receive a cancer diagnosis.
The term "cancer" itself refers to an uncontrolled division of abnormal cells in a part of the body, potentially leading to tumours, damage to the immune system, and other serious health challenges. The types of cancer vary greatly, as do the treatment options and prognosis. Understanding this helps frame the conversation you might have with someone facing this illness, emphasising empathy, support, and sensitivity.
A Teen's Guide to Talking with Someone with Cancer
For teenagers, learning that someone you know has cancer can be especially bewildering. You might feel unsure about what to say or how to act. Here's how you can handle these conversations with care and consideration:
Show That You Care
Even a simple expression of concern can mean a lot. You might say, "I heard about your diagnosis, and I've been thinking about you. If you ever feel like talking, I'm here." This lets them know that they are in your thoughts without putting pressure on them to open up if they aren't ready.
Listen More Than You Speak
Being a good listener is crucial. Often, people with cancer need to express their fears, frustrations, or daily struggles. Let them share as much or as little as they want. Show interest and concern through your body language and responses, such as nodding and maintaining eye contact, and by saying things like, "That sounds really tough," or "I'm sorry you're going through this."
Offer Practical Help
Sometimes, offering specific ways you might be able to help can be more beneficial than a general "Let me know if you need anything." Consider practical things like helping with homework, bringing them books or games, or just spending time with them doing something light and enjoyable.
Avoid Clichs and Over-Optimism
Avoid platitudes like "You'll beat this!" or "You're strong, you can handle anything!" While these might seem encouraging, they can often feel dismissive to the person who is actually experiencing the illness. It's important to acknowledge their pain and fear without glossing over it.
Respect Their Privacy
Keep any information they share with you confidential, and always ask permission before sharing their situation with others. Respect their choice if they decide not to talk about their illness, or if they prefer to keep certain details private.
Be Patient and Consistent
Your friend may experience a range of emotions, or their physical condition may change rapidly. Keep showing up, keep listening, and be patient with them. Consistency in your support is a crucial part of helping them feel not so alone in their journey.
Be Prepared for Changing Dynamics in Your Friendship
The dynamics of your relationship might shift. Your friend may have less energy, be in and out of hospitals, or frequently visiting doctors. Be flexible and understanding. The way you interact might change, and it's essential to adapt to the new normal.
Educate Yourself About Cancer
The more you know about the type of cancer your friend has, the better equipped you'll be to understand what they're going through. However, make sure your information comes from reliable sources such as the NHS or cancer research charities.
Conclusion
Having a conversation with someone who has cancer, particularly at a young age, can be challenging. However, with sensitivity, compassion, and some practical knowledge, you can provide significant support that helps your friend or loved one feel less isolated. Remember, while you can offer support, professional counsellors and groups are also valuable resources for both you and the person affected by cancer.
Dealing with delicate topics like cancer requires maturity and empathy qualities that not only help those suffering but also contribute to your growth as a person.
How are you feeling?
It is really important that when we need help, we feel able to ask for it. This could be speaking to a parent, a close friend, a teacher or someone else you trust. Sometimes it can be really hard to share our feelings with other people but if we are feeling low or don't know where to turn, sharing with others is really important. Teachers will always take you seriously and listen to your problems in confidence if you approach them for help. Likewise, parents, siblings or friends will help you if you reach out to them.
If you feel like you can't speak to anyone you know, there are people and organisations that can help support you:
- Childline - Call them on 0800 1111 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
- NSPCC - Call them on 0808 800 5000 between 10am and 4pm Monday to Friday or email them on help@NSPCC.org.uk
- The Samaritans – Call them on 116 123 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
- SANE – Call 0300 304 7000 for support (4:30pm - 10:30pm every day)
- Mind – Call 0300 123 3393 (9:00am - 6:00pm Monday to Friday)
*Sometimes we will use real life examples in our articles to aid understanding. When we do, names and ages will be changed.