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Everyone needs friends who understand them it's a big part of what makes friendships strong and lasting. However, there are times when you might find that your friends just don't seem to "get" you. This disconnection can be over small misunderstandings or more significant differences in beliefs, interests, or life experiences. The question is, what can you do when your friends don't understand your feelings, your actions, or the decisions you make?

Understanding Why Misunderstandings Happen

Firstly, it's helpful to understand why these misunderstandings between friends can happen. Sometimes differences in backgrounds, such as cultural or family upbringings, can contribute to a lack of understanding. Personality differences also play a big role. For example, an extrovert may struggle to understand an introvert's need for quiet and space. Similarly, differing values and priorities can create conflicts or misunderstandings.

Misunderstandings can also stem from the different stages in life each person might be in. It's natural to see things differently as you grow and encounter new experiences. This is especially prominent during teenage years, a period marked by personal growth and change.

Impact of Misunderstandings on Young People

Feeling misunderstood by friends can be particularly tough during your teenage years. It can lead to feelings of isolation, sadness, or frustration. For many young people, their circle of friends is a significant source of support and camaraderie. When that feels compromised due to misunderstandings, it can impact mental and emotional well-being.

Furthermore, personal identity is often still in development during your teenage years, and peer feedback plays a crucial role in shaping self-perception. If friends misunderstand or dismiss your feelings or experiences, it can lead to confusion and lower self-esteem.

Strategies to Deal With Being Misunderstood

Dealing with misunderstandings requires patience, communication, and sometimes, acceptance. Here are several strategies that can help:

Open Communication

The first step in resolving any misunderstanding is to communicate openly and honestly. Try to express your feelings clearly. For example, instead of saying "You just don't get it," try explaining, "I feel upset because I value your opinion and it seems like you don't understand my perspective on this." Remember, it's not about convincing them but helping them see your point of view.

Active Listening

Communication is a two-way street. practise active listening, which involves really paying attention to what the other person is saying, without preparing your response while they speak. This can help clarify misunderstandings and show that you value their viewpoint as well.

• Ask clarifying questions to ensure you understand their perspective.
• Repeat back what you've heard to confirm your understanding.
• Show empathy and respect, even if you disagree.

Seek to Understand Before Being Understood

Sometimes, in your eagerness to explain your own feelings and thoughts, you might forget that your friend also has their own perspective and feelings. Stephen Covey, the author of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, advises to "seek first to understand, then to be understood." This approach not only broadens your understanding but also builds trust and mutual respect.

Agree to Disagree

It's important to recognise that being friends doesn't mean you will always agree on everything. Sometimes, after expressing your views and listening to theirs, you might still find that there's a disagreement. In such cases, it's healthy to agree to disagree and appreciate each other's perspectives without resentment.

Perspective-Taking

Try to see the situation from your friend's point of view. This can sometimes alter your perception of the misunderstanding and increase your empathy towards their perspective.

Seek Support Elsewhere

If your friends are consistently unable to understand certain aspects of your life, it can be helpful to seek support from others who might share similar experiences or perspectives, such as family members, teachers, or other friends. Diversity in support systems ensures you have various sources of understanding and advice.

Give It Time

Sometimes, just giving the situation some time can help. People often need time to process things, and what might be a point of contention today might be resolved as perspectives evolve with time.

Being misunderstood by friends is tough, but it's a common part of growing up and developing deeper interpersonal relationships. By using these strategies, not only can you manage these situations better, but you can also strengthen your friendships in the process.

How are you feeling?

It is really important that when we need help, we feel able to ask for it. This could be speaking to a parent, a close friend, a teacher or someone else you trust. Sometimes it can be really hard to share our feelings with other people but if we are feeling low or don't know where to turn, sharing with others is really important. Teachers will always take you seriously and listen to your problems in confidence if you approach them for help. Likewise, parents, siblings or friends will help you if you reach out to them.

If you feel like you can't speak to anyone you know, there are people and organisations that can help support you:

• Childline - Call them on 0800 1111 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
• NSPCC - Call them on 0808 800 5000 between 10am and 4pm Monday to Friday or email them on help@NSPCC.org.uk
• The Samaritans – Call them on 116 123 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
• SANE – Call 0300 304 7000 for support (4:30pm - 10:30pm every day)
• Mind – Call 0300 123 3393 (9:00am - 6:00pm Monday to Friday)

*Sometimes we will use real life examples in our articles to aid understanding. When we do, names and ages will be changed.