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Understanding Changes During Holidays After Divorce

Divorce is a significant change for any family, and it affects not just the couple involved but also their children. The impact of parents splitting up can be felt across various aspects of life, including during holiday times, which traditionally are periods of joy and family unity. Understanding what to expect and how to manage these changes can help you navigate the holidays more smoothly.

The Emotional Landscape of Post-Divorce Holidays

First, it's essential to acknowledge the emotional shifts that accompany a family's restructuring. Holidays may accentuate feelings of loss, nostalgia, and change. Where once the holidays were times for family togetherness, they might now bring up feelings of sadness or loss. It's important to recognise these emotions are natural responses to your changing family dynamics.

There can also be significant changes in holiday traditions. Perhaps certain traditions were unique to one side of the family and might not continue post-divorce. This shift can feel like a loss of part of your cultural or family identity. However, it also presents an opportunity to create new traditions.

Practical Adjustments During the Holidays

With your parents living separately, logistical adjustments are inevitable. You might find yourself splitting time between two households. This might mean having two Christmas mornings, two different sets of holiday meals, or even travelling on days you used to relax at home.

There may also be new people to meet if your parents start new relationships. This can introduce additional layers of complexity and emotional adjustment but can also expand your family circle with new bonds and relationships.

Strategies for Handling Holidays Post-Divorce

Talk About Your Feelings

It's crucial to communicate openly with both of your parents about how you feel. Let them know what you're struggling with, what you miss about past holidays, and any anxieties about the new arrangements. Parents might not realise how the changes are impacting you unless you tell them.

Be Open to New Traditions

While it's okay to mourn the loss of old traditions, try to be open to creating new ones. This can be anything from cooking a special meal with your mom to going on a holiday outing with your dad. These new traditions can help form positive associations with the holidays and your new family structure.

Plan and Coordinate

Planning becomes more crucial than ever. Discuss holiday schedules well in advance. Knowing the plan can help reduce anxiety and make the holidays feel more manageable. Coordination between your parents, about who buys what gifts or who hosts which event, can also prevent conflicts and confusion.

Focus on Self-Care

The holidays can be emotionally draining. Make sure to take care of yourself. Engage in activities that you enjoy and find relaxing. This could be reading a book, playing a video game, spending time with friends, or pursuing a hobby. Self-care is vital in managing stress and keeping your spirits up.

Seek Support

Talking to others who are going through similar experiences can be incredibly comforting. Whether it's a friend or a support group, sharing your feelings and hearing others' perspectives can help you feel less alone. Additionally, professional support from a counsellor or therapist can be beneficial in navigating your emotions during this time.

Remember What the Holidays Are About

Ultimately, the essence of holidays is about celebration, reflection, and connection with loved ones. Focus on these aspects, irrespective of the changes around you. Enjoy the company of your family, whether it's in one household or two.

Conclusion

Navigating the holiday season after your parents' divorce can certainly bring challenges and emotional adjustments. However, by communicating openly, embracing new traditions, planning ahead, prioritising self-care, seeking support, and remembering the real reasons for the season, you can find new ways to enjoy and appreciate this time of year. Change is often accompanied by growth, and with the right approach, you can build new, happy memories even amidst these changes.

How are you feeling?

It is really important that when we need help, we feel able to ask for it. This could be speaking to a parent, a close friend, a teacher or someone else you trust. Sometimes it can be really hard to share our feelings with other people but if we are feeling low or don't know where to turn, sharing with others is really important. Teachers will always take you seriously and listen to your problems in confidence if you approach them for help. Likewise, parents, siblings or friends will help you if you reach out to them.

If you feel like you can't speak to anyone you know, there are people and organisations that can help support you:

• Childline - Call them on 0800 1111 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
• NSPCC - Call them on 0808 800 5000 between 10am and 4pm Monday to Friday or email them on help@NSPCC.org.uk
• The Samaritans – Call them on 116 123 any time of the day or night, every day of the week
• SANE – Call 0300 304 7000 for support (4:30pm - 10:30pm every day)
• Mind – Call 0300 123 3393 (9:00am - 6:00pm Monday to Friday)

*Sometimes we will use real life examples in our articles to aid understanding. When we do, names and ages will be changed.